Shower Day Depression

No, it's not the various rain showers lately that has me depressed, it's the soap-and-shampoo kind of shower that has me feeling that way.

It's probably the following facts that take it's toll on me:
a) I can't stand in the shower
b) The water/washcloths/sponges hurt my skin
c) I just had [minor] surgery on my toe which was throbbing the entire time
d) My mom has to help me
e) I haven't been able to shower on my own in so long that I have to learn how to do it all over again, just like I am having to learn how to walk all over again
f) I have to sit in a wobbly, slanting, hard shower chair that I almost always almost fall off of (at least once a shower)
g) I have to look at myself (in all it's obesity)

There are plenty more reasons, but I don't want to sound like I'm unnecessarily complaining...you'd really have to have gone through it to fully understand. To be thirteen years old, almost 200 pounds from reasons completely out of your control, and having to learn how to take showers (and walk) again, having to have help from your mother, and all the rest of the stuff, it's easily depressing. Before my mom came to help me with my hair/back/etc, I found myself rocking back and forth, softly whimpering "Old McDonald", not able to use a sponge or washcloth, trying to scrub myself, just crying my eyes out...

I'm doing better now, but it sure takes its toll on me and brings back some unpleasant memories. To feel so helpless, and in a way, hopeless...well, it's just, like I said, depressing. At that moment, I just felt so hopeless...so worthless, and just started wondering what the point was; would I really ever make a difference? Would I really ever impact someone? Or was I just here...to live, and eventually die, with no one besides my mom and a few dear friends remembering me?

Sorry, I don't mean to depress you, but sometimes you just need to let it out in order to get over it.

I've got to get going and try to re-inspire myself...Off to flickr!
Lots of love,
~Alex~