Before I go on, let me warn you that this is extremely graphic. If you are squeemish, stop now. If you don't want to bawl your eyes out*, stop now. If you are willing to face this harsh reality in order to help the children of the world, read on
*Some have reported crying up to 3 days as well as not being able to eat in rare cases. This is just the reality of how bad the problem of child abuse is. To stay safe, I'll say the following- ***Read at your own risk***
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I Only Lived Five Months
The Life and Death of Brianna Lopez
By Alexandra Mikaela
I only lived five months.
I'm glad it wasn't more
My Daddy threw me to the ceiling
And let me hit the floor
I only lived five months.
And it hurt oh so bad!
Mommy bit me again and again!
I was raped by Uncle and Dad!
I only lived five months.
I thought this pain was love
It turns out that pain
Was the thing I wasn't deprived of!
I only lived five months.
My organs were badly hurt
From the things Daddy stuck into me
Uncle only made it worse!
I only lived five months.
Oh the horrors I was feeling!
Head to toe, broken, bruised and bitten
"In multiple stages of healing."
I only lived five months.
Mommy said she didn't know
What was going on, when all along
She was hurting me, and God knows!
I only lived five months.
No moment did I not suffer
I thought being "preemie" was rough
But my life got tougher and tougher!
I only lived five months
PLEASE report abuse!
My aunt and grandma knew
There was so much they could do!
I only lived five months
This is no fabrication
My name is Brianna Lopez
Let my death- and life - be your motivation
If you suspect child abuse or neglect, PLEASE report it! Speak for those who cannot speak for themselves!
(c) Alexandra Mikaela
Awareness Angels 2008
All rights reserved
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You told the court you loved me.
Children are amazingly loving. Brianna loved you, and you killed her. Why?
By Alexandra Mikaela
I only lived five months
Five horrible, painful, months!
If I could only tell you all that happened to me!
If only I could make you see!
But I don't want to think about it any more-
Five months was quite enough!
By all odds I shouldn't have made it long,
But five whole months I stayed strong!
Mommy, Daddy, Uncle, too
You hurt me, but I still love you.
You told the court you loved me.
Did you, love me?
Do you miss me at all?
Why did you throw me so high?
Why did you let me fall?
Why did you hurt my insides, And do stuff that was bad?
What did I do to make you so mad?
It's your baby, Brianna!
Can you hear your daughter? It's me!
Within your mind are there memories
Of what you did to me?
You told the court you loved me...
(c) Alexandra Mikaela
Awareness Angels 2008
All rights reserved
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Brianna Lopez was born premature on St Valentine's Day, 2002, and died five horrible months later, on July 19th, 2002. She resided in a three bedroom mobile home, with 6 adults, including mother Stephanie Lopez, father Andy Walters, and two children, Brianna's 18 month old brother, and 8 year old uncle, in Los Cruses New Mexico.
She was literally bruised head to toe... Her little feet were black and blue, and through her thin hair you could see the huge, purple bruises on her head. Her little brain had bled many times, as well as having multiple fractures to the skull, both legs, at least two ribs, a torn anus, and more. She was bitten, she was raped. She was thrown to the ceiling and left to fall. She was shaken, and had not a single picture of her living. The only photos of her were taken right before her autopsy, with bruises covered by computer software. Even in death she is hidden away.
The community came together, raising money for a proper burial and headstone, but the family quickly and privately buried her little beaten body, excluding many family members. For a time her "family" refused to put up a headstone, unassumingly so people could not leave flowers or pay their respects. One later appeared, only to be removed again. Then, it returned, but a cage was added to keep people from leaving flowers and gifts. Inside, there is an unkept, unclean, garbage infested resting place, for a little girl unloved in life, who no matter what the family tries to do, will be loved, even if only in death.
Inside the cage sits a cherub statue, pointer finger gently pressed to her lips. She sits there, her cause debatable. But no matter what that cherub signals, do not keep silent. Speak out against abuse. If you see signs of abuse or neglect, report it. You could save a child's life. Little Brianna has enough playmates who were lost to abuse. She needs no more. Don't be afraid! No matter how affraid you are, little Brianna and so many children like her, were even more afraid...that you wouldn't help them.
(c) Alexandra Mikaela
Awareness Angels 2008
All rights reserved
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Some notes on the so called "parents" from across the net, by people who have met the parents (please note that I am not responsible for the truth or lack-there-of in these. These are just what others who claim to know her have said)-
"I WAS SENTENCED TO PRISON AND MET STEPHANIE AND SHE HAS NO REMORSE FOR WHAT SHE HAS DONE. I WAS THERE FOR 18 MONTHS WITH HER AND NOT ONCE DID SHE EVER REGRET ANYTHING. SHE STILL WRITES BRIANNAS FATHER IF YOU CAN CALL THE ANIMAL THAT AND ALSO HER BROTHER. ALSO LET ME LET YOU GUYS IN ON SOMETHING SHE IS NOT IN SEGREGATION SHE WALKS AROUND THE PRISON WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE AND IS JUST AS HAPPY GO LUCKY AS CAN BE."
"I just wanted to say that I went to school with all 3 of these people. Andy was in a couple of my classes and he was a punk, even back then. He is a small guy who would never have the balls to try and stand up to someone his own size."
"My daughter is burried a few plots down and is the only baby who has a headstone. We inquired to the grounds keeper if the cage was to be removed any time soon and he advised us there are no plans to have it removed."
"I been to the Prison those guys are in and they are locked down 23 hours which isn't enough!"
"I was the first officer on scene. To this day, I will never forget the look on the baby’s face when the paramedics were loading her into the ambulance. Such a beautiful little baby with half closed eyelids. The horrors I learned about what that helpless little child endured, still haunts me to this day as I think about what challenges I that I am currently enduring; nothing comes close or compares to what this little baby must have gone through. What you have read in the papers is only a fraction of what can’t be put on paper or revealed to the public, what this little baby girl went through!! In 15 years in law enforcement, never have I ever, ever heard of such horror and autrocity done to such a small innocent child!"
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Brianna Lopez's Family Tree
Going through articles regarding Brianna Lopez, her death, and the trials that followed, I quickly became confused with the (physical) structure of Brianna's "family". After I sorted through it, I made a "family tree" of sorts to help anyone else out who's having this problem. If anyone has anymore detail regarding this or corrections, feel free to let me know!
http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn83/cre8iv3cre8ionz/briannalopezsfamilytree.png to enlarge)
(c) Alexandra Mikaela
Awareness Angels 2008
All rights reserved
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Brianna's Video
Please watch!
(by KRQE News 13, Brianna's story, interviews with investigators and more...a great video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkSN65cJKOE
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...xxXXXXx...XX................xx.......xx.............XX.......xx.......................................................xxXx............XX...........X...xx.......xx...........X....X.....xx.......................................................xXx..............XX................xx........xx.........X.......X....xxx.......xx....xx...xXXXx....xXXXx\.....xXx..............XXXXx...xx...xx....xxxx........xXXXXx...xx....\\...xx....xx...x.............xx___x........xXx........x...XX....xx...xx...xx...x...xx........X..........X..xx...X...xx....xx.....Xxx|........xx.................xxxXXX/...XX....xx...xx...xx....x..xx........X..........X..xxxx.....xxxxx....xxxxx.........\xxxxx......The Facts on Child Abuse and Neglect in the United States
- FOUR children die of child abuse EVERY DAY day in the United States
- A report of child abuse occurs every ten seconds, though with the 3 million cases reported a year, some experts estimate the actual child abuse rates are up to 3 times more
- Of the reported rapes of children under 12, 90% of the victims knew the perpetrator
- Child abuse happens in ALL races, all ALL religions, ALL incomes, and both young and old, male and female
- Children ages 0-3 are the most likely to experience abuse.
- About 1 in 50 U.S. infants are victims of nonfatal child abuse or neglect in a year, according to the first national study of the problem in that age group done by the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention along with The Federal Administration for Children and Families.
- 79% of the children killed are younger than 4.
- In 2003, there were 906,000 child abuse convictionsResources- childhelp.org,
The Aftermath of Child Abuse
- 36.7% of women and 14.4% of men in prison were abused as children
- Childhood sexual abuse victims are 2.5 times more likely to abuse alchohol and 3.8 times more likely to become addicted to drugs
- One-third of abused/neglected children will go on to abuse/neglect their own children
- 80% of young adults who had been abused met the diagnostic criteria for at least 1 psychiatric disorder at the age of 21 (including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, & post-traumatic stress syndrome/disorder)
- Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy
- Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crime.
- Nearly 2/3’s of the people in treatment for drug abuse reported being abused as children
- Definitions of Child Abuse and Neglect
What is Child Abuse?
(Taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_abuse, with some minor notes from me here and there)
Child abuse is the physical, psychological, or sexual maltreatment of children. While most child abuse happens in the child's home, a significant portion also occurs in organizations involving children, such as churches, schools, child care businesses, and residential schools.
There are four major categories of child abuse: neglect, physical abuse, psychological or emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. There are different subcategories within each type of abuse. Since there are many forms of abuse and neglect, many governments have developed their own legal definition of what constitutes child maltreatment for the purposes of removing a child and/or prosecuting a criminal charge. In the United States, the Federal Government puts out a full definition of child abuse and neglect and creates a summary of each State definition.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defines child maltreatment as any act or series of acts or commission or omission by a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, potential for harm, or threat of harm to a child. Examples of acts of commission include physical, sexual, and psychological abuse. Examples of acts of omission include failure to provide (physical, emotional, medical/dental, or educational neglect) or failure to supervise (inadequate supervision, or exposure to violent environments.)
Neglect has three different categories: physical, educational, and emotional. An example of physical neglect would be the failure to provide adequate food, clothing, or hygiene. An example of emotional neglect would be inadequate nurturing or affection.
Physical abuse may include striking, burning, shaking, pinching, or pulling hair or ear.
Child Sexual Abuse is said to include penetration, fondling, violations of privacy, exposure of children to adult sexuality and rape Psychological or Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse, withholding affection, extreme punishment and corruption, ignoring, rejecting, terrorizing, and isolating. It may also entail the abuser minimizing, or "downplaying" the severity of abuse along with the act of invalidation. Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone's feelings. [Consciously or subconsciously] it is an attempt to control how they feel and for how long they feel it.
According to the (American) National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse, in 1997 neglect represented 54% of confirmed cases of child abuse, physical abuse 22%, sexual abuse 8%, emotional maltreatment 4%, and other forms of maltreatment 12%. 30% of children are threatened.
According to a recent UNICEF report on child well-being in the United States and the United Kingdom ranked lowest among first world nations with respect to the well being of their children. This study also found that child neglect and child abuse are far more common in single-parent families than in families where both parents are present.
How to Identify Child Abuse
Physical IndicatorsUnexplained bruises and welts on the face, throat, upper arms, buttocks, thighs or lower back in unusual patterns or shapes which suggests the use of an instrument (belt buckle, electric cord) on an infant in various stages of healing regularly appear after absence, weekend, or vacation
Unexplained burns cigarette burns, especially found on palms, soles of feet, abdomen, buttocks immersion burns producing "stocking" or "Glove" demarcations on hands and feet; "doughnut shaped" on buttocks or genital area rope burns infected burns indicating delay in treatment burns in the shape of common household utensils or appliances
Behavioral Indicators behavioral extremes (withdrawal, aggression, regression, depression) inappropriate or excessive fear of parent or caretaker antisocial behavior such as substance abuse, truancy, running away fear of going home unbelievable or inconsistent explanation for injuries lies unusually still while surveying surroundings (for infants) unusual shyness, wariness of physical contact
Signs of Sexual AbusePhysical IndicatorsTorn, stained or bloody underclothes frequent, unexplained sore throats, yeast or urinary infections
somatic complaints, including pain and irritation of the genitals sexually transmitted diseases
bruises or bleeding from external genitalia, vagina or anal region pregnancy
Behavioral Indicators the victim's disclosure of sexual abuse
regressive behaviors (thumb-sucking, bedwetting, fear of the dark)
promiscuity or seductive behaviors
disturbed sleep patterns (recurrent nightmares)
unusual and age-inappropriate interest in sexual matters
avoidance of undressing or wearing extra layers of clothes
sudden decline in school performance, truancy difficulty in walking or sitting
Signs of Emotional AbusePhysical Indicators eating disorders, including obesity or anorexia
speech disorders (stuttering, stammering)
developmental delays in the acquisition of speech or motor skills
weight or height level substantially below norm
flat or bald spots on head (infants)
nervous disorders (rashes, hives, facial tics, stomach aches)
Behavioral Indicatorshabit disorders (biting, rocking, head-banging)
cruel behavior, seeming to get pleasure from hurting children, adults or animals; seeming to get pleasure from being mistreated
age-inappropriate behaviors (bedwetting, wetting, soiling)
behavioral extremes; overly compliant-demanding; withdrawn-aggressive; listless-excitable
Signs of NeglectPhysical Indicators
poor hygiene, including lice, scabies, severe or untreated diaper rash, bedsores, body odor
squinting unsuitable clothing; missing key articles of clothing (underwear, socks shoes); overdressed or under dressed for climate conditions
untreated injury or illness lack of immunizations indicators or prolonged exposure to elements (excessive sunburn, insect bites, colds)
height and weight significantly below age level
Behavioral Indicators unusual school attendance
chronic absenteeism
chronic hunger, tiredness, or lethargy
begging or collecting leftovers
assuming adult responsibilities
reporting no caretaker at home
It is not necessary that you decide if a child is abused or neglected. Child abuse and neglect are not always easy to identify. For example, bruises may or may not have been caused by abuse. A child coming to school with head lice or dirty clothes may or may not be due to neglect. Yet, hundreds of people across the country are charged with the duty to be aware of the children they see and work with daily, and to report suspicions of child abuse, neglect, or dependency. Your interaction with so many children, your professional training regarding child development, and your innate sense of a child's well-being, gives you the ability and responsibility to protect children from abuse and neglect. Recognizing a child in need of protection goes beyond the legal definitions of abuse, neglect and dependency.
It is an accumulation of everything you know and sense about a child or a situation. Recognition does not always come about in a concrete way. It can be an inner voice that tells you that something is just not right. That's when you should call Children's Services.You do not have to investigate to make sure your referral is valid, or that it complies with legal definitions. When you suspect a child's welfare is jeopardized, and make a referral to Children Services, you help us identify the potential need for our services. Your feeling that something just isn't right with a child is sufficient to warrant your call to Child Protective Services. The agency, then, uses the investigative and legal process to manage your referral and possibly open a case.
Disipline vs Abuse
Whether you agree or do not agree in spanking, always follow these guidelines.
I will not tell you if it is right or wrong to spank, but I will tell you this...
If you spank your children, ask yourself these questions before doing so.
~Am I calm? Can I talk without screaming? Can I think clearly?
~Have I tried other non-physical methods before this?
~Have I let my child calm down enough to talk to him/her? Have I listened to his/her side of the story?
~Does my child know why he/she's going to be spanked, or is it possible they might not understand and think it's because "you don't love them" (sounds dramatic, but it happens)
~Am I satisfying my anger by doing this, or am I doing what I believe is right for my child?
~Will the result be my child fearing me, or making them feel they cannot come to me and confess when they've done wrong?
Spanking should
never leave damage on the child.
Do not use a belt.
If it's leaving bruises on your child or is making them fear you, or feel sexually violated, that is NOT a good thing and you need to sit down with the child and talk about this. Ask your child how it made them feel and see if you can make a plan for next time so it doesn't turn out that way again (ie, "If I count to ten, can you try calm yourself down and be in your time out spot when I get to ten? I'll do my best to listen to you, if you promise to listen to me. I want the best for you, because I love you, and I'm sorry if I've made some mistakes regarding discipline. Then after you're calmed down, and I'm calmed down, we can figure out what we should do to make sure this doesn't happen again.") and shoot out some ideas, and let them come up with some, too. You'd be surprised how often a kid will say "what if maybe I mop for you after my time out", and then of course you can add stuff like, "AFTER your time out, and you need to say sorry to *so-and-so*...and give mommy a big hug =)".
And of course always make it clear that they are not a bad kid, that it's their behavior that's bad. Usually this works out...of course nothing works for everyone, but make sure none of these things result from it:
- Increased anxiety and fear
- Hinders the development of empathy and compassion for others
- Makes children angry in responseHeightens aggression toward othersDecreases compliance and increases resistance
- Harms relationship with parent or caregiver
- Decreases self-esteem
- Teaches that violence is an acceptable way to handle conflict
Some other guidelines are to:
Developing behavioral contracts and incentive charts are a great way to get your kid(s) excited about behaving well.
My brother and I used a "chip system". My mom bought poker chips, and we each got a certain color (so no one could say, "MMOOMM!!! STEVIE STOLE MY CHIPS!"), and made a chart. For each good dead, we would get a certain number of chips, depending on what it was. When we behaved badly, chips were taken away. When we earned a certain number of chips, we would get to do something special. One reward was to get to watch a movie of choice at the dollar theater. Another was to get to go to McDonalds the next time it was convenient. And of course there were smaller ones like 10-30 extra minutes before bedtime, dessert, a coloring book, an extra bed time story, or 5-10 minutes of "Mommy time" where we could go and have Mommy all to ourselves without any interruptions (given another adult was in the house for injuries of course!)
Something else I've come across is the "stressed parent hotline" which you can reach at (800) 421-0353
If you are afraid of reporting possible abuse because you may be wrong...My mother was once accused of child neglect not long ago (it was a mix up...someone else in my family was supposed to be reported for neglect (*cough* my father against my disabled mother and thus affecting disabled me *cough*) and it really wasn't all that bad! I know sometimes that people are wrongly accused, but please don't let that stop you from reporting abuse. Yes, things should be done to help those who have been wrongly accused and as a result have had custody/visitation changed or had their child(ren) taken away completely, don't get me wrong, but more children are abused than are wrongly given to the state (at least to my knowledge). All I'm saying is that for me and my family, the guy came, talked to my mom, talked to me, talked to my brother, looked around the house, saw we were well fed and had no abuse-like injuries (LOL, I always have some injury!), took some notes, gave my mom some resources and tips, and randomly checked back a few times...it was surprisingly smooth, and I'd rather have that done than have been abused and had nothing done. And, yes, for those who want to challenge about abuse in foster homes, YES, I truly believe things need to be done about that (ACTUALLY,
I will be posting a blog on that in the near future).
IT IS A CRIME TO KNOW A CHILD IS BEING ABUSED AND NOT REPORT IT!
If you would like more information on any of these subjects, please let me know and I will do what I can to help you. Please
Butterfly's and Rainbows
Love Through Action
