The aftermath

I'm depressed, and confused, and heartbroken. I keep up with a lot of kids, and every time one passes it hurts. But every once in awhile, one hits me really hard. Ella stole my heart. And the way I found out yesterday made it even worse. I feel like such a complainer, too, because if I'm hurting like this, I can't imagine how much her family is hurting. I thank God that I've never felt that, and hopefully never will, but at the same time I know that even though my pain is much, much less, it is still pain and I have a right to feel it. Fly high princess. You are always loved and will be missed, until that glorious day we are called home.

What are you trying to tell me???

Today I'm sitting at my computer, on C.O.A.L.s Foundation, going through names & CB (CaringBridge) sites, and it's like all the names just scroll by, but one is just jumping at me. I keep scrolling. I stop. Something's telling me to scroll back up. I can almost here it in my head "Stop- Go back - Haley Jones*- her name is Haley Jones*". So I scroll back up...there it is, Haley Jones*. I click her link. I find out she has DIPG. Same as Ella, and the numerous other children I've recently (but not intentionally) discovered. Now, this is totally terminal** and a rare childhood cancer (and childhood cancer in general is considered rare). Yet this is the fifth or sixth child I've found with it in the last month. I start falling in love with Haley. And then, I look down to the most resent journal entries...Haley died more than eight months ago. The introduction hadn't been updated. Call me crazy, but I really feel God had a hand in this, I just don't know why.

Lord, before this month I've only heard of one child with a DIPG tumor. Now everywhere I go, you are sending me stories of children with this tumor. What am I supposed to do? What message are you trying to send me? I feel you're trying to tell me something, but I don't know what it is! Do I donate to a certain foundation? Do I read more about this? Jesus, guide me. Tell me what it is you want me to do. I'll listen. I may be reluctant, but I'll listen in the end. I'm so confused. Haley died months ago...she is a precious child with an amazing story, but why did you show me her story? Why was I able to read her name while quickly scrolling through pages, but no one elses? You are showing me these children, all with one thing in common- a deadly tumor. Where do I go from here?

*Child's name changed
**There are VERY few (I've heard there are 7 confirmed 5 year survivors, there may be more) survivors, if any. You can never reall get a solid dx because the location prevents it from being biopsied. It is possible the few survivors did not in fact have DIPG, but something else. Possible, but unlikely. No one really knows.

I will be posting more about DIPGs, as I don't believe anything is a coincidence and maybe I can help someone out there.

Peace, love,
F.R.O.G! (Fully rely on God!)

OR as Zack would say,
"Peace, Love, PLATELETS!" LOL

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UPDATE- I just went to check on Ella. She passed away. Yesterday, 9:45 pm. One of her last requests was McDonalds, which she could not eat. But heaven is even better than McDonalds. I just have to trust that. I have to trust God that she is being taken care of and loved.

I can't believe this...I just can't!
Ella's CaringBridge

HOPE-ing for Seven Year Old Ella Hope - DIPG Cancer Warrior

Doctors say there are no options except to keep on praying and hope-ing for 7 year old Ella Hope.
Written by Alexandra Mikaela

Ella was diagnosed with Diffused Intrinsic Pontine Glioma (DIPG) on December 7th, 2007. This specific type of cancerous tumor has taken the lives of many children. This tumor is rare, highly aggressive, highly malignant, and has not once been survived as far as we know. Receiving it means to receive a death sentence. But with this you don't wait 30, 20, 10, or even 2 years to take your last breath; It is known to kill the child in 9-12 months after diagnoses, at best. And, it only takes our children. Mainly children between the ages of 5 and 9. No adults, just our precious, innocent children.

In less than two months, it will be a year since Ella was diagnosed. And yesterday they were told that despite radiation, a trial drug (stopped after first administration due to strong side effects) and chemotherapy, and more, which, praise the Lord, has not stopped this little ball of sunshine from being her happy, "peppy" self. The tumor has grown very significantly, and is a time bomb in her precious little head. But there is a first time for everything, and no one is giving up HOPE for young Ella Hope.

Though they are preparing for the worst, there is always HOPE...even in the case that Ella's earthly life expires, there is HOPE in Jesus Christ, and there is HOPE for a cure for the children who have been diagnosed with this monster and will be in the future. Ella and her family needs your prayers! Pray for COMFORT, PEACE, and a PAIN-FREE TRANSITION if it is meant to be. Whatever you prayer may consist of, please, include Ella and her family in your prayers.

And please, never loose HOPE for a cure for childhood cancer. For someday, you may be looking at an MRI, being told that HOPE is the only chance your child has left.

Click the image below to visit Ella's CaringBridge site, learn more, subscribe to updates, view pictures, learn how you can help (there are multiple ways!), and leave messages of love, care, support & prayer