Check it out!

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=408672028&blogID=436124310

http://sydlets.com/

~Thanks!~

Wow...a nice look at some questions I've had regarding my faith

So yes, I believe in God and Jesus Christ. I believe He died for us. I however do not claim to know it all, or even half of it. Some days I'm "'high' on Jesus" and other days I miserably try have faith and sit there wondering "what's wrong with me? I can't do this! Christianity sucks!". I've sworn at God, I've rejected Him, I've done all that and more. But at the same time, somewhere down inside me I know God is the God my mother told me about as a baby, a toddler, a young child and now as a young teen. He loves me. A LOT. He's my best friend. How you pray isn't as important as that you try. He LOVES you. He doesn't expect you to be perfect. He doesn't want you to be miserable, or sad. He LOVES you. He doesn't expect you to know everything. He LOVES you. All that matters is that HE LOVES YOU, and the rest will come. Yet I still struggle. To have the faith I used to have...oh I would do anything for it! To just be content loving God and being loved by Him, confiding in Him, and doing things He'd like. Oh man, I miss it so much...but I'll shut up now about that. On to what I started this blog for!

HERE I've found an article that gave me some insight to some things. I think I'll give this whole thing another try after this...I'll let you know how that works =)

Here are my favorite parts (basically I'm quoting it all LOL...sorry!):

I had read in the New Testament that "the wages of sin is death." I now realized that "wages" are not a gift or a punishment. They are simply what we deserve, the natural result of our work. On payday you don't go to your boss, get down on your knees and say, "Oh, please, be kind and generous and give me my paycheck." You expect to be paid. It is the natural result of doing your work.

This helped me because: It just sort of confirms what I've always said about my disease. He didn't put this upon me! Yes, He allows it, because of reasons we don't know, but He is not the source of my suffering! And guess what JDMS? Guess what Asthma? Guess what everything-else-that's-afflicting-me? I'm GLAD I've gotten to suffer through it. I am a better person from it. Mary had to suffer through critisism, hate and judgement, but how else would Jesus be born? Look at what good has come from the pain =)

I had always said: "If God created man and man has an evil side to him, then why should God blame man for acting the way He made him?" (In the long run it seemed as though evil were God's fault, not man's).

But as I studied further, I saw that God had created man with freedom to respond to God's love and love Him back. For love to be real, a person has to be free to choose to love (and free to choose not to). For example, I want my wife to freely choose to love me, not to be forced into it.

If God had told Adam, "Here, do anything you ant. There is nothing you can do that would be wrong," then there would have been no way for Adam to express his love and obedience toward God. If nothing was forbidden, then Adam couldn't choose to obey God since there would be no possible way to disobey.

So God gave Adam a choice. He said, "Don't eat from this tree." The moment God said that, the tree became "the tree of the knowledge of good and evil." I think the tree was a neutral object from God's point of view. He could just as easily have said, "Don't touch that stick" or "don't pick up that rock." Then we would have had the "stick" or the "rock" of the knowledge of good and evil." Until this time Adam had never personally chosen good or evil. If Adam had chosen to obey, he would have gained a personal knowledge of God. As it was, he chose to disobey and gained an experience of evil.

In choosing to disobey God, Adam died spiritually. In turning away from God's command, Adam's intimate fellowship with God was broken - his "spiritual eyes" went dead and he could no longer experience God.

But guess what? Jesus gave us NEW LIFE! Ta-da!

In the physical realm we know that some damage (such as radiation) can be so profound that a genetic mutation takes place and every generation after that is affected. Something like "spiritual mutation" took place when Adam sinned, and everyone since that time has been born physically and soulishly" alive but spiritually dead - cut off from God.

My first thought was, "This seems unfair. That means I have to suffer for something Adam did thousands of years ago." But I soon realize that there were many times when I had consciously chosen to do things that I knew were wrong. If I hadn't inherited spiritual death, I would have cut myself off from God through my own choices! And I saw that God couldn't just forgive or overlook man's sin - to do so would take away his freedom and make him less than human.

Uh, yeah...that makes a lot more sense now!

I learned that Jesus not only died physically on the cross--He died spiritually. While Jesus hung there, God the Father reached back in time and took the spiritual death that had been generated by Adam and those who came after him and placed it on Jesus Christ. Then (because He created time and lives outside of it) God looked forward in time and took all the spiritual death generated by you and me and all the other men and women who will be born until the end of time and put that death on Jesus too.

Now I could see why Jesus cried, "My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken Me?" He was experiencing to the fullest the spiritual death generated by countless men and women throughout the ages. He literally experienced spiritual hell on the cross as He was cut off from God, even though He committed no sin and was not deserving of death. He actually died spiritually in our place.

One thing, continued to puzzle me. I could see how Jesus, if He lived a perfect life and therefore was never unplugged from God, could die spiritually for one other man's sin (and it seemed logical that He would have to stay dead eternally). But I couldn't understand how Jesus as one man could possibly die and stay dead for only a few days - the Bible says He was resurrected three days later - and still manage to pay off several billion eternities of separation from God.

I found the answer while I was a student at San Francisco State College. I asked a math major who lived in my dorm about this, and he replied, "You've forgotten that Jesus, though Hew was in human form, was actually the infinite God. If He had suffered spiritual death for even 10 minutes, He would have generated more than enough death to pay for the 100 billion eternities of separation from God. Remember He was giving up infinite life, and infinity multiplied times anything still equals infinity."

Why didn't I think of any of this before?

Why, if Jesus' death paid for all the spiritual death for all the ages, do men still experience separation from God? Then I realized that God still can't violate our free will without making us subhuman. God has gone to great trouble and sacrifice to provide forgiveness for us and to restore us to fellowship with Himself. Forgiveness and a new spirit are free gifts that He offers us. If we refuse His gift, we will continue to experience spiritual death, and when our physical life ends, we will be cut off eternally from God and His love.

Those who accept Christ's death as payment for their spiritual death are given new "spiritual eyes". They are again complete in body, soul and spirit. For the man who has this new nature within him, physical death is no threat. When the soul sheds the physical body, the man himself continues to grow and have fellowship with God through His spirit.

Thank you Allen Scholes for writing this stuff out... This really has given me a new understanding of things... Maybe it's coincidence that at 1:18 AM on a school night I'm still up on the computer (because of feeling the need to be on just a little longer, waiting for "something") and came across your article, or maybe it's God. Either way, you've been a blessing in my life.

Please leave comments!

I accidentally created this blog with the wrong email. How lame is that? What's even lamer though is that you can't change your blogger sign in email to a different email. *Sigh* When will they catch up to myspace? Oh well...

Random quote from my mom (I don't know where she got it, but it was funny...or so I thought)
"Babies are like kittens. Their so cute and cuddly...then they turn into cats"

I'm pretty feisty tonight...which isn't normal for me...I feel like a...*gasp*...TEEN! What's up with that??? And I'm actually enjoying it a bit...don't get me wrong, though, I still have no pop-star obsessions, or wack-o priorities, or any urge to spread dirt, or watch a soap opera, or get a boyfriend, or talk in "BBEEEEPPS" about sexual oriented nonsense. And don't get me wrong, I know not all teens are that way, I just haven't found too many yet ; )

Here's something I tried to make with the GIMP tonight (it's a free program like photoshop/etc)...my first attempt at a ribbon (for like "digi-scraping" etc) If anyone is reading this, please leave feedback =) I really want to know if I'm just talking to myself...I love hearing from people...it is so encouraging and means soooo much to me. So here is my plea...if you're reading this, please send a comment! If you have I blog I'll gladly return the favor =)

http://s302.photobucket.com/albums/nn83/cre8iv3cre8ionz/Digi Scrap Stuff Ive Made/?action=view&current=my-first-ribbon.jpg

Update ~ September 20th '08

Things have been going well (knock on wood) and yesterday I walked about 35 (?) feet with my new walker! I don't know what happened but I just kept on going! And of course when one of the PTs said "come on, keep going! You can even kick me on the way", I did! And then when another was in the line of target and I said "watch out, I'm on a PT kicking spree", (and he didn't take me seriously of course), I kicked him! Of course my kicks are more like little taps at your feet, but hey, it was fun!=p
Well, not much else to report... I get my sutures out soon (from the punch biopsies) thankfully, as bandaging them two times a day, my skin is being ripped off from the tape.

Oh, and Riley's life celebration is tomorrow! (see myspace.com/bearbelieves4riley) I so wish I could be there...it hurts being so far away from my little hero's family... Happy fourth birthday Riley...we will NEVER EVER FORGET YOU!!! You are our hero...cancer isn't fair! Your mommy misses you so much and never stops thinking about you...she misses her mama's boy and only boy. Please send lots of angel kisses to her and let her know you're healthy and happy with Jesus...she really needs that right now. So happy birthday to you Mr Ethan-Riley Hardison! Enjoy your Thomas the Train party mommy promised you! We love you so much...

Yipee! Dad's out of town! / Meet Joey

Don't you hate it when someone brags about you, but never complements you unless it's for show?
Don't you hate it when your mother has to fight for the camera if she decides she wants to take a non-posed picture of her kids?
Don't you hate it when someone can say the most hurtful things, but is sure to say it in a way he can deny the meaning, when you KNOW exactly what he meant?
Don't you hate it when someone can live with you everyday and never see what they have right in front of them?
Don't you hate only being daddy's girl around his cow-workers?

Don't you hate not being able to divorce your father?

Well, my dad's out of town (yipee!) and it really makes us realize how much of the "real us" we hide every day in fear of his criticism, lies and arguments. But we'll enjoy it while it lasts...


On another note, my big brother now has a name =) He was, (I may not have all this info correct...it's a sensitive subject) miscarried in the second trimester, about half ways through the pregnancy, where he had to be delivered. They wouldn't let my mom see him (he died of loss of blood due to a defect in my mom's uterus, and because of lack of blood/nutrition he was deformed and "not a pretty site", plus they knocked her out because it was so traumatic and my father wouldn't even hold her hand) or even tell her the gender (supposedly he was not "well preserved" enough to tell, though she feels it was a boy), and my father thought it would be "helpful" in her (ahem, HIS) mission to pretend none of it ever happened, to tear up all the U/S pictures. My mom did it with no support, and the staff was incredibly stupid and hard-hearted (saying stuff like, "just suck that dead thing out already! She's taking up room...it's DEAD for gosh sake!"), and I have no idea how she does it. It always seemed very hard for my mom to talk about, but I've told her different times not to let my dad's stupidity and lack of heart keep her from loving her baby, and things like that, and it seems it helped. Today she came to me and said...well, just read the poem I wrote =)

About Me

Do-do-do-do ~ Do-do-do-do
Alex's World!


Elmo aside, here's what you might like to know

Well, I'm 13 years old as of June, and am kickin' disease's butt big time! I have very few friends my own age because, as I'm told, I am "an old soul" and just have a hard time connecting to people my own age.
"Oh, did you hear so-and-so broke up with so-and-so?"
"Wow! No! Did you hear 1 in 125 kids are born with a congenital heart defect?" LOL
I have a disease called dermatomyositis. It is an auto-immune disease in the lupus/scleroderma/rheumatoid arthritis family and primarily affects my muscles, skin and joints. I've had it probably my entire life, but it got serious when about three years ago, my immune system starts fighting something...we never pin-pointed exactly what it was, but it was probably something like an infection or virus, and "forgot" how to stop. It just kept on fighting until it was killing itself along with attacking and inflaming whatever got in it's way, my muscles, skin, joints and the like.
Some cases can be very mild. Others can be relentless and extremely debilitating. You guessed it, my case is the second. It's taken 3 years of treatments, and nearly having to go across the country for experimental treatments. It was actually the day we went in for the details of what day we were leaving and the like that we found out that my disease had spontaneously gone into remission.
It was a miracle, yet I found myself lost, confused and scared. What did they mean? I was still in a wheelchair! I was still hurting! I couldn't even sleep at night because of the pain! How could it be GONE??? My doctor never took the time to try to explain anything to me. All I knew was that I felt thrown away like a piece of trash (for good reason...I omitted a section of this paragraph due to the fact it just wouldn't be right to post).
It took me a long time and a lot of talks before I understood anything about what had happened. My mom didn't know that I didn't understand. After all, this is the kid who can name almost every of the 100+ kids she keeps up with, the diseases and syndromes they have, AND what they are...why wouldn't I understand? It turns out that that was about the only thing I didn't understand in the medical world.
Finally I understood. It's sort of like asthma. Even when it's not "acting up", it's still there. You still have many of the symptoms, you still have to take your medications, and you still have to be cautious around your triggers. Just like I still experience symptoms, still take many medications, and still have to be super-careful. But unlike asthma, scientifically speaking (I know God can do anything!), I will never outgrow dermatomyositis, and odds are, I will "flare" more in the future. For all I know, it could be starting now, or tomorrow, next week, or next month, next year, or next decade.
There is no way to know, but I was granted the miracle to live, and again when I was an infant, again time and time again as a toddler, and now from this monster called Dermatomyositis. I'm not going to take a moment for granted. God has granted me life for the time being, and He did it for a reason. I have vowed to help people, and make a difference; to make a mark on this world while I can, no matter how long that may be.
Children shouldn't have to suffer, and they shouldn't have to hurt. The most traumatic thing they should have to go through is breaking their arm while playing. No child should have to take chemo, or ask why mommy who says they love them so much makes them put on vests to shake them. No child should have to be fed through tubes and get shots constantly. No child should have to die at just a few days old. No child should be beaten, no child should be neglected, physically or emotionally. Period. And I’m going to be a part of stopping it.

the pooping dog and nitrates... ?????? A REALLY random night!

"And now, class, we come to the nitrogen fixing bacteria. Here is a dog. It's supposed to be a dog anyways"
*points to tiny stick dog with no ears or nose, with it's tail straight up*
"See Alex, he's going to poop...I know it!"
"Hey Mom! You made me miss what's decomposing into ammonia!"
"His poop!"
"No, Mom, I think the dog died"
"No, he's going to poop!"
"MOM! Let me do my class!"
*throws miniature rubber duck at Mom*
*rewinds DVD*
"And it starts to decompose"
*rewind*
"And it starts to decompose"
*rewind*
"You know Alex, he's going to poop!"
"MOM!!"
"When dogs, and animals, and plants, die, the nitrifying bacteria comes and it starts to decompose"
"THE DOG DIED! NO!!! NOT THE DEFORMED PUPPY!!!"
"WHAT? HE DIDN'T POOP?"
"NO! HE'S DEAD!"
"MOM! Now I've missed how the puppy decomposes!"
"The bacteria stuff ......."
"MOM! You made me miss the next part! Please stop talking! I don't have another duck to throw at you!"
*rewind*
*...*

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We're a bit hyper tonight... It's not our fault the teacher was talking about plants in their convertables going to the drive through to order nitrates!!! (No, seriously, she did...and she has huge glasses, a red afro, and a wardrobe full of shoulder padded, flower printed, 80s style dresses! AND an undescribable accent from who-knows-where...maybe space.......

I hope she doesn't read this!

I may post more tonight, though no ne has even seen any of my posts yet...wow...talking to a wall...er, cyberspace...depressing, isn't it?

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EDIT

So things got even more funny! So here's a quick summary... BTW, Sam is my little brother..."Mom" is my mom"

Mom: Sam, I did a terrible, terrible thing...
Sam: YOU ATE YOUR FACE???
Mom: Where did that come from???
Mom: I accidentally killed a earth worm.
Sam: YOU ATE ALEX'S FACE???

Alex: SAM!!! I'M BLOGGING ABOUT YOU!!!
Sam: WHATT???
Alex: It's just me telling the world about you except no one reads it. So I'm talking to myself
Sam: COOL!!!

Mom: Get out of my bed!
Sam: I'm watching Alex blog!
Mom: It's better than what I have to watch Alex do
Alex: I HATE YOU!!! *jokingly*
Mom: They're teaching her to roll over in physical therapy!
Mom: It's sad when you have to be taught how to roll over!
Mom: But then again, it took you a long time to learn to roll over when you were a baby, too!
Alex: YOU'RE MEAN! *jokingly fake sob*

*Sam rolls out of the room in Alex's wheelchair*

---------------------

Sam: WHHHHHHAAAAAHHHH!!! *CRASH*

*Sam comes running in the room, panting*
Sam: By the way, I hijacked your wheelchair!
Mom: Uh, we know that
Sam: I tested your brakes, Alex!!!
*...*
Sam: I went into the kitchen, full speed, then slammed on the brakes!!!!
Alex: I'm not cleaning up the skid markes!
Mom: I know, I'll be the one cleaning them!
Mom & Alex: WEAR YOUR HELMET!!! *family joke*

*Sam runs into the room*
Sam: THAT WAS SO COOL UNTIL I HIT THE FRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!!

*Sam comes full speed prepared to come into the

Mom: Sam! Stop running around!
Sam: I'm not running around!

Sam: CHECK........THIS.....OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHOA.

Mom: WHERE'S THE WHEELIE BARS????!?!!!?!?!!!!?!?!?


Mom: Sam, come here! I think I have a better sized wheelchair for you...maybe you won't get hurt in this one!
*Mom holds up a doll-sized wheelchair*

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I think you get the drift...we have so much fun once dad's out of the house/sleeping

Beaten, Raped, Murdered...at 5 months. The story of Brianna Lopez...just one of the FOUR children who die EVERY DAY of child abuse...please read on...

Before I go on, let me warn you that this is extremely graphic. If you are squeemish, stop now. If you don't want to bawl your eyes out*, stop now. If you are willing to face this harsh reality in order to help the children of the world, read on

*Some have reported crying up to 3 days as well as not being able to eat in rare cases. This is just the reality of how bad the problem of child abuse is. To stay safe, I'll say the following- ***Read at your own risk***

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I Only Lived Five Months
The Life and Death of Brianna Lopez
By Alexandra Mikaela

I only lived five months.
I'm glad it wasn't more
My Daddy threw me to the ceiling
And let me hit the floor

I only lived five months.
And it hurt oh so bad!
Mommy bit me again and again!
I was raped by Uncle and Dad!

I only lived five months.
I thought this pain was love
It turns out that pain
Was the thing I wasn't deprived of!

I only lived five months.
My organs were badly hurt
From the things Daddy stuck into me
Uncle only made it worse!

I only lived five months.
Oh the horrors I was feeling!
Head to toe, broken, bruised and bitten
"In multiple stages of healing."

I only lived five months.
Mommy said she didn't know
What was going on, when all along
She was hurting me, and God knows!

I only lived five months.
No moment did I not suffer
I thought being "preemie" was rough
But my life got tougher and tougher!

I only lived five months
PLEASE report abuse!
My aunt and grandma knew
There was so much they could do!

I only lived five months
This is no fabrication
My name is Brianna Lopez
Let my death- and life - be your motivation

If you suspect child abuse or neglect, PLEASE report it! Speak for those who cannot speak for themselves!

(c) Alexandra Mikaela
Awareness Angels 2008
All rights reserved

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You told the court you loved me.
Children are amazingly loving. Brianna loved you, and you killed her. Why?
By Alexandra Mikaela

I only lived five months
Five horrible, painful, months!
If I could only tell you all that happened to me!
If only I could make you see!
But I don't want to think about it any more-
Five months was quite enough!

By all odds I shouldn't have made it long,
But five whole months I stayed strong!
Mommy, Daddy, Uncle, too
You hurt me, but I still love you.

You told the court you loved me.

Did you, love me?
Do you miss me at all?
Why did you throw me so high?
Why did you let me fall?
Why did you hurt my insides, And do stuff that was bad?
What did I do to make you so mad?

It's your baby, Brianna!
Can you hear your daughter? It's me!
Within your mind are there memories
Of what you did to me?

You told the court you loved me...


(c) Alexandra Mikaela
Awareness Angels 2008
All rights reserved

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Brianna Lopez was born premature on St Valentine's Day, 2002, and died five horrible months later, on July 19th, 2002. She resided in a three bedroom mobile home, with 6 adults, including mother Stephanie Lopez, father Andy Walters, and two children, Brianna's 18 month old brother, and 8 year old uncle, in Los Cruses New Mexico.

She was literally bruised head to toe... Her little feet were black and blue, and through her thin hair you could see the huge, purple bruises on her head. Her little brain had bled many times, as well as having multiple fractures to the skull, both legs, at least two ribs, a torn anus, and more. She was bitten, she was raped. She was thrown to the ceiling and left to fall. She was shaken, and had not a single picture of her living. The only photos of her were taken right before her autopsy, with bruises covered by computer software. Even in death she is hidden away.

The community came together, raising money for a proper burial and headstone, but the family quickly and privately buried her little beaten body, excluding many family members. For a time her "family" refused to put up a headstone, unassumingly so people could not leave flowers or pay their respects. One later appeared, only to be removed again. Then, it returned, but a cage was added to keep people from leaving flowers and gifts. Inside, there is an unkept, unclean, garbage infested resting place, for a little girl unloved in life, who no matter what the family tries to do, will be loved, even if only in death.

Inside the cage sits a cherub statue, pointer finger gently pressed to her lips. She sits there, her cause debatable. But no matter what that cherub signals, do not keep silent. Speak out against abuse. If you see signs of abuse or neglect, report it. You could save a child's life. Little Brianna has enough playmates who were lost to abuse. She needs no more. Don't be afraid! No matter how affraid you are, little Brianna and so many children like her, were even more afraid...that you wouldn't help them.

(c) Alexandra Mikaela
Awareness Angels 2008
All rights reserved

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Some notes on the so called "parents" from across the net, by people who have met the parents (please note that I am not responsible for the truth or lack-there-of in these. These are just what others who claim to know her have said)-

"I WAS SENTENCED TO PRISON AND MET STEPHANIE AND SHE HAS NO REMORSE FOR WHAT SHE HAS DONE. I WAS THERE FOR 18 MONTHS WITH HER AND NOT ONCE DID SHE EVER REGRET ANYTHING. SHE STILL WRITES BRIANNAS FATHER IF YOU CAN CALL THE ANIMAL THAT AND ALSO HER BROTHER. ALSO LET ME LET YOU GUYS IN ON SOMETHING SHE IS NOT IN SEGREGATION SHE WALKS AROUND THE PRISON WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE AND IS JUST AS HAPPY GO LUCKY AS CAN BE."

"I just wanted to say that I went to school with all 3 of these people. Andy was in a couple of my classes and he was a punk, even back then. He is a small guy who would never have the balls to try and stand up to someone his own size."

"My daughter is burried a few plots down and is the only baby who has a headstone. We inquired to the grounds keeper if the cage was to be removed any time soon and he advised us there are no plans to have it removed."

"I been to the Prison those guys are in and they are locked down 23 hours which isn't enough!"

"I was the first officer on scene. To this day, I will never forget the look on the baby’s face when the paramedics were loading her into the ambulance. Such a beautiful little baby with half closed eyelids. The horrors I learned about what that helpless little child endured, still haunts me to this day as I think about what challenges I that I am currently enduring; nothing comes close or compares to what this little baby must have gone through. What you have read in the papers is only a fraction of what can’t be put on paper or revealed to the public, what this little baby girl went through!! In 15 years in law enforcement, never have I ever, ever heard of such horror and autrocity done to such a small innocent child!"

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Brianna Lopez's Family Tree
Going through articles regarding Brianna Lopez, her death, and the trials that followed, I quickly became confused with the (physical) structure of Brianna's "family". After I sorted through it, I made a "family tree" of sorts to help anyone else out who's having this problem. If anyone has anymore detail regarding this or corrections, feel free to let me know!

http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn83/cre8iv3cre8ionz/briannalopezsfamilytree.png to enlarge)


(c) Alexandra Mikaela
Awareness Angels 2008
All rights reserved

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Brianna's Video
Please watch!

(by KRQE News 13, Brianna's story, interviews with investigators and more...a great video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkSN65cJKOE

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The Facts on Child Abuse and Neglect in the United States

• FOUR children die of child abuse EVERY DAY day in the United States
• A report of child abuse occurs every ten seconds, though with the 3 million cases reported a year, some experts estimate the actual child abuse rates are up to 3 times more
• Of the reported rapes of children under 12, 90% of the victims knew the perpetrator
• Child abuse happens in ALL races, all ALL religions, ALL incomes, and both young and old, male and female
  
• Children ages 0-3 are the most likely to experience abuse.
  
• About 1 in 50 U.S. infants are victims of nonfatal child abuse or neglect in a year, according to the first national study of the problem in that age group done by the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention along with The Federal Administration for Children and Families.
• 79% of the children killed are younger than 4.
• In 2003, there were 906,000 child abuse convictionsResources- childhelp.org,

The Aftermath of Child Abuse

• 36.7% of women and 14.4% of men in prison were abused as children
• Childhood sexual abuse victims are 2.5 times more likely to abuse alchohol and 3.8 times more likely to become addicted to drugs
• One-third of abused/neglected children will go on to abuse/neglect their own children
• 80% of young adults who had been abused met the diagnostic criteria for at least 1 psychiatric disorder at the age of 21 (including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, & post-traumatic stress syndrome/disorder)
• Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy
• Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crime.
• Nearly 2/3’s of the people in treatment for drug abuse reported being abused as children
• Definitions of Child Abuse and Neglect

What is Child Abuse?

(Taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_abuse, with some minor notes from me here and there)

Child abuse is the physical, psychological, or sexual maltreatment of children. While most child abuse happens in the child's home, a significant portion also occurs in organizations involving children, such as churches, schools, child care businesses, and residential schools.
There are four major categories of child abuse: neglect, physical abuse, psychological or emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. There are different subcategories within each type of abuse. Since there are many forms of abuse and neglect, many governments have developed their own legal definition of what constitutes child maltreatment for the purposes of removing a child and/or prosecuting a criminal charge. In the United States, the Federal Government puts out a full definition of child abuse and neglect and creates a summary of each State definition.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defines child maltreatment as any act or series of acts or commission or omission by a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, potential for harm, or threat of harm to a child. Examples of acts of commission include physical, sexual, and psychological abuse. Examples of acts of omission include failure to provide (physical, emotional, medical/dental, or educational neglect) or failure to supervise (inadequate supervision, or exposure to violent environments.)
Neglect has three different categories: physical, educational, and emotional. An example of physical neglect would be the failure to provide adequate food, clothing, or hygiene. An example of emotional neglect would be inadequate nurturing or affection.
Physical abuse may include striking, burning, shaking, pinching, or pulling hair or ear.
Child Sexual Abuse is said to include penetration, fondling, violations of privacy, exposure of children to adult sexuality and rape Psychological or Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse, withholding affection, extreme punishment and corruption, ignoring, rejecting, terrorizing, and isolating. It may also entail the abuser minimizing, or "downplaying" the severity of abuse along with the act of invalidation. Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone's feelings. [Consciously or subconsciously] it is an attempt to control how they feel and for how long they feel it.
According to the (American) National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse, in 1997 neglect represented 54% of confirmed cases of child abuse, physical abuse 22%, sexual abuse 8%, emotional maltreatment 4%, and other forms of maltreatment 12%. 30% of children are threatened.
According to a recent UNICEF report on child well-being in the United States and the United Kingdom ranked lowest among first world nations with respect to the well being of their children. This study also found that child neglect and child abuse are far more common in single-parent families than in families where both parents are present.

How to Identify Child Abuse

Physical Indicators
Unexplained bruises and welts on the face, throat, upper arms, buttocks, thighs or lower back in unusual patterns or shapes which suggests the use of an instrument (belt buckle, electric cord) on an infant in various stages of healing regularly appear after absence, weekend, or vacation
Unexplained burns cigarette burns, especially found on palms, soles of feet, abdomen, buttocks immersion burns producing "stocking" or "Glove" demarcations on hands and feet; "doughnut shaped" on buttocks or genital area rope burns infected burns indicating delay in treatment burns in the shape of common household utensils or appliances
Behavioral Indicators behavioral extremes (withdrawal, aggression, regression, depression) inappropriate or excessive fear of parent or caretaker antisocial behavior such as substance abuse, truancy, running away fear of going home unbelievable or inconsistent explanation for injuries lies unusually still while surveying surroundings (for infants) unusual shyness, wariness of physical contact

Signs of Sexual Abuse
Physical Indicators
Torn, stained or bloody underclothes frequent, unexplained sore throats, yeast or urinary infections
somatic complaints, including pain and irritation of the genitals sexually transmitted diseases
bruises or bleeding from external genitalia, vagina or anal region pregnancy
Behavioral Indicators
the victim's disclosure of sexual abuse
regressive behaviors (thumb-sucking, bedwetting, fear of the dark)
promiscuity or seductive behaviors
disturbed sleep patterns (recurrent nightmares)
unusual and age-inappropriate interest in sexual matters
avoidance of undressing or wearing extra layers of clothes
sudden decline in school performance, truancy difficulty in walking or sitting

Signs of Emotional Abuse
Physical Indicators eating disorders, including obesity or anorexia
speech disorders (stuttering, stammering)
developmental delays in the acquisition of speech or motor skills
weight or height level substantially below norm
flat or bald spots on head (infants)
nervous disorders (rashes, hives, facial tics, stomach aches)
Behavioral Indicators
habit disorders (biting, rocking, head-banging)
cruel behavior, seeming to get pleasure from hurting children, adults or animals; seeming to get pleasure from being mistreated
age-inappropriate behaviors (bedwetting, wetting, soiling)
behavioral extremes; overly compliant-demanding; withdrawn-aggressive; listless-excitable

Signs of Neglect

Physical Indicators
poor hygiene, including lice, scabies, severe or untreated diaper rash, bedsores, body odor
squinting unsuitable clothing; missing key articles of clothing (underwear, socks shoes); overdressed or under dressed for climate conditions
untreated injury or illness lack of immunizations indicators or prolonged exposure to elements (excessive sunburn, insect bites, colds)
height and weight significantly below age level
Behavioral Indicators unusual school attendance
chronic absenteeism
chronic hunger, tiredness, or lethargy
begging or collecting leftovers
assuming adult responsibilities
reporting no caretaker at home

It is not necessary that you decide if a child is abused or neglected. Child abuse and neglect are not always easy to identify. For example, bruises may or may not have been caused by abuse. A child coming to school with head lice or dirty clothes may or may not be due to neglect. Yet, hundreds of people across the country are charged with the duty to be aware of the children they see and work with daily, and to report suspicions of child abuse, neglect, or dependency. Your interaction with so many children, your professional training regarding child development, and your innate sense of a child's well-being, gives you the ability and responsibility to protect children from abuse and neglect. Recognizing a child in need of protection goes beyond the legal definitions of abuse, neglect and dependency.
It is an accumulation of everything you know and sense about a child or a situation. Recognition does not always come about in a concrete way. It can be an inner voice that tells you that something is just not right. That's when you should call Children's Services.You do not have to investigate to make sure your referral is valid, or that it complies with legal definitions. When you suspect a child's welfare is jeopardized, and make a referral to Children Services, you help us identify the potential need for our services. Your feeling that something just isn't right with a child is sufficient to warrant your call to Child Protective Services. The agency, then, uses the investigative and legal process to manage your referral and possibly open a case.

Disipline vs Abuse

Whether you agree or do not agree in spanking, always follow these guidelines.

I will not tell you if it is right or wrong to spank, but I will tell you this...

If you spank your children, ask yourself these questions before doing so.

~Am I calm? Can I talk without screaming? Can I think clearly?
~Have I tried other non-physical methods before this?
~Have I let my child calm down enough to talk to him/her? Have I listened to his/her side of the story?
~Does my child know why he/she's going to be spanked, or is it possible they might not understand and think it's because "you don't love them" (sounds dramatic, but it happens)
~Am I satisfying my anger by doing this, or am I doing what I believe is right for my child?
~Will the result be my child fearing me, or making them feel they cannot come to me and confess when they've done wrong?

Spanking should never leave damage on the child. Do not use a belt. If it's leaving bruises on your child or is making them fear you, or feel sexually violated, that is NOT a good thing and you need to sit down with the child and talk about this. Ask your child how it made them feel and see if you can make a plan for next time so it doesn't turn out that way again (ie, "If I count to ten, can you try calm yourself down and be in your time out spot when I get to ten? I'll do my best to listen to you, if you promise to listen to me. I want the best for you, because I love you, and I'm sorry if I've made some mistakes regarding discipline. Then after you're calmed down, and I'm calmed down, we can figure out what we should do to make sure this doesn't happen again.") and shoot out some ideas, and let them come up with some, too. You'd be surprised how often a kid will say "what if maybe I mop for you after my time out", and then of course you can add stuff like, "AFTER your time out, and you need to say sorry to *so-and-so*...and give mommy a big hug =)". And of course always make it clear that they are not a bad kid, that it's their behavior that's bad. Usually this works out...of course nothing works for everyone, but make sure none of these things result from it:

• Increased anxiety and fear
• Hinders the development of empathy and compassion for others
• Makes children angry in responseHeightens aggression toward othersDecreases compliance and increases resistance
• Harms relationship with parent or caregiver
• Decreases self-esteem
  
• Teaches that violence is an acceptable way to handle conflict

Some other guidelines are to:

Developing behavioral contracts and incentive charts are a great way to get your kid(s) excited about behaving well.

My brother and I used a "chip system". My mom bought poker chips, and we each got a certain color (so no one could say, "MMOOMM!!! STEVIE STOLE MY CHIPS!"), and made a chart. For each good dead, we would get a certain number of chips, depending on what it was. When we behaved badly, chips were taken away. When we earned a certain number of chips, we would get to do something special. One reward was to get to watch a movie of choice at the dollar theater. Another was to get to go to McDonalds the next time it was convenient. And of course there were smaller ones like 10-30 extra minutes before bedtime, dessert, a coloring book, an extra bed time story, or 5-10 minutes of "Mommy time" where we could go and have Mommy all to ourselves without any interruptions (given another adult was in the house for injuries of course!)

Something else I've come across is the "stressed parent hotline" which you can reach at (800) 421-0353



If you are afraid of reporting possible abuse because you may be wrong...
My mother was once accused of child neglect not long ago (it was a mix up...someone else in my family was supposed to be reported for neglect (*cough* my father against my disabled mother and thus affecting disabled me *cough*) and it really wasn't all that bad! I know sometimes that people are wrongly accused, but please don't let that stop you from reporting abuse. Yes, things should be done to help those who have been wrongly accused and as a result have had custody/visitation changed or had their child(ren) taken away completely, don't get me wrong, but more children are abused than are wrongly given to the state (at least to my knowledge). All I'm saying is that for me and my family, the guy came, talked to my mom, talked to me, talked to my brother, looked around the house, saw we were well fed and had no abuse-like injuries (LOL, I always have some injury!), took some notes, gave my mom some resources and tips, and randomly checked back a few times...it was surprisingly smooth, and I'd rather have that done than have been abused and had nothing done. And, yes, for those who want to challenge about abuse in foster homes, YES, I truly believe things need to be done about that (ACTUALLY, I will be posting a blog on that in the near future).

IT IS A CRIME TO KNOW A CHILD IS BEING ABUSED AND NOT REPORT IT!

If you would like more information on any of these subjects, please let me know and I will do what I can to help you. Please

Can anybody back this up? Any similar experiences related to this article?

I came across this article and how my heart ached. I have been a patient at a psychiatric hospital, though it was certainly not near this bad. But I understand all of these feelings. Though I've never been in the positions these teens were in, I am over empathetic to the point of basically knowing what every feeling is like, as if it were happening to me. I have learned to control this, though I have occasions where I am very upset from my own feelings and this wall I've put up falls miserably. If I did not have the awesome mother I do I don't know how I would get through these times, though most of them start with myself getting in an argument with her! (Okay, over mature teens do get in fights with their moms sometimes, believe it or not). Summary: I know the need for loving, caring people in these facilities.

Oh, and by the way, I am not crazy, don't worry (okay, some may call me that, but only in good fun =p). Last October I was in vast amounts of pain and as a result became very depressed. I am fortunately no longer suffering the pain nor depression I did at that time, but will most likely forever be damaged and changed by what I experienced. But that is another story for another time!

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THE CHILDREN AT METROPOLITAN STATE HOSPITAL

by Ted Chabasinski, Support Coalition International board member

This is a very personal account, because I myself spent most of my
childhood in a state hospital in New York. Forty-three years ago, I
was released from Rockland State Hospital at the age of seventeen. I
had spent ten years there.

I went on with my life, struggling with the effects of what had been
done to me. I worked my way through college, got married, became an
attorney. I never forgot what happened to me at Rockland State
Hospital, but I never had to look this experience in the face again.
Until now.

A few months ago, as an advocate for the Office of Patients' Rights,
I was asked to go down to Los Angeles and assist the regular advocate
at Metropolitan State Hospital. Early in June, many children had been
transferred to Metro from Camarillo State Hospital, where most of
the kids in the state hospital system had been. Camarillo, a prime
piece of real estate in a beautiful setting, is being closed. The
facility is being sold to developers.

Half of the children shipped to Metro are black, about a third white,
about 15% Hispanic. Virtually all of them, as one would expect, are
from poor or broken families. The overwhelming majority are sent by
Los Angeles County, which has purchased many beds from the state for
the children in its charge who "need long-term care." One third are
girls, two thirds are boys. The program is described by the hospital
as designed for kids ages seven to seventeen. At present I believe
the youngest child is eleven, although younger ones are expected to
arrive soon. Bed space is available for 120 children. About 75 are
there now. This number will increase, as more children, some of them
disabled, are expected to be shipped down from Napa State Hospital in
the next few months. The plan of the State Department of Mental
Health is to concentrate all of the children in the state hospital
system at Metropolitan.

The only outdoor space the children at Metropolitan have is tiny
patios with barbed wire fences. The hospital has interpreted state
law to require that the children not be given grounds passes, because
this would put them into contact with adult patients. So the children
are locked down for most of the time. Over the last few months, under
some pressure, the hospital now has the kids, at least those who have
reached certain "levels", taken for escorted walks. These walks, like
most of what is done there, are called "therapeutic." As you can
imagine, there is much anger and pent-up energy.

The regular advocate had heard of an incident where a
fourteen-year-old girl, L., had experienced a life-threatening
situation in restraints. ("Restraints" means that the child is tied
spread-eagled to a bed with leather straps and left there for several
hours.) We went to one of the two girls' units to investigate. L.
told us she had been put in five-point restraints (tied down at the
wrists, ankles, and waist) after getting into a fight with another
girl. When she continued to struggle and tried to sit up, staff came
in and tied a sixth strap as tightly against her chest as they could,
and left her there. L. has asthma, which was very obvious. She was
wheezing as she spoke with us. Soon after having the chest strap tied
down, she started choking and gasping for breath. Staff were nowhere
in sight. Some of the other girls ran for help, but staff took their
time about getting there. L. reported she was put in restraints
frequently. When I looked at her chart later, it confirmed that she
was tied to the bed several times a week. There was little explanation
of why, and of course no note that her life had been endangered.

The first thing that struck me as I spoke with L. and the other kids
who were witnesses was how little they would fit the stereotype of
"mental patients". They were some of the most appealing kids I had
ever met. I told them about my own experience, very briefly, and this
seemed to make a strong impression.

I spoke with T., a very articulate seventeen-year-old who I noticed
was an excellent witness. She was able to tell me very clearly what
had been done to L. in a way that few people I have interviewed as an
attorney can do. One of the first things T. said to me is that she
expected, when she reaches her eighteenth birthday in a few months,
that she will be sent to one of the adult units, and that she will
spend the rest of her life there. It was very hard for me not to
burst into tears, because this is exactly what I myself faced at age
sixteen in Rockland. I looked at the despair in the face of this
appealing young girl and felt more anger at the system that had done
this than I've felt in many years. T. has spent a year and a half in
state hospitals. I believe this is shorter than the average stay.

Shortly after I spoke with T., I saw a figure walking down the
hallway, stumbling around like an eighty-year-old who had had a
stroke, and I wondered what an old woman was doing on the children's
wards. As she came closer, I saw that it was T., so drugged that she
had trouble walking properly. She is being given five kinds of
psychiatric drugs. Her body is bloated and her hands shake. If she is
ever allowed to leave the hospital, she will be sent out into the
world with tardive dyskinesia, at age eighteen. (Tardive dyskinesia
is a very common kind of brain damage caused by psychiatric drugs.
The most obvious outward sign of it is that the victim's mouth and
tongue twitch uncontrollably.)

I skimmed T's chart. Among other nonsense, it said that she is
"resistant to therapy" because she sleeps much of the day. I
remembered how I too had slept as much as I could at Rockland State
Hospital, to block out the horror of my surroundings. But I never
had to deal with the horror of having my brain burned out by
psychiatric drugs.

As I went around the units, trying to speak to as many children as
possible, I noticed many kids passed out on the sofas and benches in
the middle of the day. Virtually all the children are drugged, though
few have diagnoses that would really justify it. Restraints are used
liberally for the slightest infraction.

But what is the worst abuse, and I know because I have experienced
it, is to spend years of your childhood locked in a total
institution, with the constant message that you're worthless, you're
nothing, that nobody cares about you, that you're important to no
one. And because you are so young, and you have no other picture of
the world, you have no way to resist this indoctrination in
self-hatred. And then, after years of this, you're sent out into the
world, if you're lucky...

Several weeks later, I came back to Metro, and at about six in the
evening attempted to read T's chart, to get a more detailed picture
of how she was being drugged. The ward psychiatrist was there, and
realizing I must be checking up on her, tried to keep the chart from
me, saying it was "confidential." I told her that the state Welfare
and Institutions Code gave me the authority to read it but she
ignored me. Soon the charge nurse and then the supervisor of nurses
appeared, demanding that I stop reading the chart and turn over my
notes. And then about eight or ten large male staff appeared,
standing massed in the middle of the nurses' station as if in some
kind of military formation, looking as menacing as they could. It was
time to leave (with my notes). I had to unlock and relock many
doors to get out.

I realized after I reached the outside that my life had been in
danger. If one of the goon squad summoned by the psychiatrist had
lost control, I could have been beaten unconscious, and there would
have been a dozen "witnesses" to make up any story that was needed.
My knees trembled and my cardiac arrhythmia kicked in something
fierce. My heart was jumping around in my chest for days afterwards.
Of course, terrorizing me was exactly the point. I was being treated
as if I were an inmate there.

I spoke to other advocates, who told me they had similar experiences
in state hospitals when they were looking into things staff there
didn't want to be seen. And the next day I learned that the
hospital's official story was that I had come into the nurses'
station yelling and screaming, that I had refused to identify myself,
and that I had threatened the ward psychiatrist. Yes, I'm sure she
felt threatened by the idea that someone was concerned about her
abuse of these kids.

I was told that the hospital police (who are just untrained staff designated by the hospital director)

were about to be called just before I left.
How endangered I had been became clear when I found out that in
mid-August, there had been what the hospital described as a "riot" on
one of the boys' wards. Desperate, several kids had attacked staff
members, and one staff person was hospitalized. The hospital police
had been called in, and when one boy, clearly freaked out by the
events, was threatening to cut his wrists, hospital police moved in
and sprayed him at close range with pepper spray. He had a seizure,
fell to the floor unconscious, and was hospitalized. If he had
asthma, as L. did, or cardiac arrhythmia, as I do, he might well have died.

A few days later, I received still another report of a staff member
being attacked and seriously injured. She was rescued by still
another child, because her fellow workers were nowhere in sight.
Clearly, the situation there is out of control, when the hospital
administration can't protect even their staff. And I fear for the
safety of the children, in an institution where even the legally
mandated advocates are kept from knowing what is going on.

California's state hospitals are being used more and more to lock up
people committed by the criminal justice system. As the population
changes, these institutions, never humane in the first place, are
rapidly becoming places of unspeakable cruelty. Patients languish
for years, heavily drugged and treated like subhumans, transformed
into burned-out shells of human beings whose only function is to
consume powerful (and profitable) psychiatric drugs.

Into this death camp of the spirit, Los Angeles County and the State
Department of Mental Health have placed scores of children. These
kids need love and nurturing, but all the mental health system can
offer them is drugs and despair. And this publicly funded child abuse
costs the taxpayers of California approximately $125,000 every yearfor every child.

I have left my job with the Office of Patients' Rights because, since
its funding comes entirely from the State Department of Mental
Health, it can do very little about this situation. Working with the
Coalition for Alternatives in Mental Health, which was organized in
1984 by myself and Sally Zinman, another psychiatric survivor, I will
be starting a campaign in Los Angeles to bring the abuse of children
at Metropolitan State Hospital to public attention.
Even the most dedicated advocates become numb after a while to the
abuses of the mental health system. We come to accept these terrible
institutions as a given, because we think there's nothing we can do
about it. But it doesn't have to be this way. Just a few months ago,
East Bay Hospital, one of the most abusive facilities in the state,
was closed down after a campaign involving many people that began
when articles in the homeless newspaper "Street Spirit" exposed what
was going on. Stopping this terrible mistreatment of psychiatric
patients can be done, and we have to do it.
I urge everyone who reads this to join with me and others who care
about children to stop this cruelty. No human being should have to
endure life in such institutions, but especially not children. The
children's wards at Metropolitan State Hospital must be closed.

--Ted Chabasinski

Capturing Their Beauty

I doubt anyone will read this, being I just created this site, and that I haven't told anyone about this page yet, but I feel the need to post a few blogs I've posted recently on a few other sites. Bear with me if I bore you to death...someone, somewhere might find my life interesting though, so post I will!

September 4th, 2008

I do many types of computer graphics and image enhancements for ill children I've come across. It is a joy to be able to take precious memories and give them a physical treasure to cherish. They certainly deserve something as simple as a bit of my time, do they not?

So often I come across times where I must pick one picture to use in something. I find myself saying, "which picture captures their beauty?"
Though I can help pictures along, and help the inner beauty shine, but to capture what these children are...who they are...their spirit...their joy! How can anyone capture the wonder in their eyes? The joy they bring! The spirit within them telling them that it hurts, but God will make it okay...don't give up just yet!

Yes, they cry. They may try to kick their nurses. They may need to be bribed into taking their yucky medications at times. But you know what? When they are in the ICU, passed out, and by all science should be dead, you cannot deny they have a beautiful spirit with a will to live...to hold on...just a little longer...not ready to go just yet...

No matter how hard you try, what camera you use, or how much your photo editing program cost, it is impossible to capture the spirit of a warrior child.

Some children don't have an illness, but have this spirit...this amazing spirit, where you know every second that they are heaven sent. Like SBS angel MeKenna. The look in her eyes, her spirit, her wonder. Yes, I enhanced her photos, and made them more "vibrant". But you know what? Anyone who saw her, or knew her, knew she was special.

I love making memories into physical treasures, but one thing I will never be able to do, is capture their true beauty. These kids are my inspiration. And I challenge you...just look into their eyes. Can you dare say cures need not be found?



September 5th, 2008

Now. Today. Be a part of stopping it

We need to make more people aware of more missing children, more causes, more diseases... these children are our future, are they not? Come on people...forget all the celebrities and LISTEN, LEARN, and SPEAK OUT!!!

Please people...for Caylee, for Emily (missing), for MeKenna (SBS angel), for Kelsey (child abuse angel), for Talia (cancer angel), for Madison (CF fighter), for Eden (cancer fighter), for Austin (cancer survivor & CP fighter) for Mia (meningitis encephalitis survivor, seizure & temporal lobe warrior).

For Mila, for Kayla, for Destiny, for Hannah, for Jamie, for Brittany, for Mary, for Ariel, for Ian, for Isaac, for Isabella, for Avery, for Katie, for Diana, for Lily, for Ayla, for Chelsea, for Gavin, for Will, for Sasha, for Tyson, for Paytlee, for Emma, for Naythan, for Cloe, for Kasey, for Emma-leigh, for Hannah, for Kaeden, for September, for Avaiah, for Bethy, for Boey, for Landan, Landon, Briannon, Brooke, Kaylie, Melanie, Angelina, Riley, Camryn, Taylor, and for ALL the children who have went missing, who have been killed, who have been abused, who have been neglected, who have fought a disease or a syndrom, who have died from one. Aren't they worth it? I sure think they are!

Get the word out. Stop letting our kids die. Stop letting them suffer. Stop letting killers and psychos take our kids. Now. Today. Be a part of stopping it!

Credits

Here are sites I've used to create this page, or have made graphics I've used in this blog:

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with these sites, nor do I endorse their actions. I am not responsible for any damages caused by or related to these sites.

A big thanks to ScrapBookFlair for the use of their "digiscrap" supplies (which I used on my page header thing...you know, the thing that says "Alex's blog" and is so cute and well made? LOL)!!!

I have used http://chromaluna.com and http://pyzam.com for graphics.

I have used http://graphicsarcade.com and http://funmunch.com for icons

that's all for now!